TOO EMOTIONAL TO NOT CARE

 I haven't written in awhile. just honest truthful writing, other than my lyrics for black gazette.

seems like I don't have time to pick up pen and paper and just journal like I use to. 

my mental health has been in such a weird state between crumbling and not. managing things that I have no control over due to malpractice, mania and work. im going a bit stir craZy and cannot sit still. I miss stillness, I guess it's just not in this current chapter for me. when it comes back again I'll have a deeper appreciation for it.

the fact I manage someone else's life but sometimes feel like I cant manage my own, is such an interesting yet depleting feeling. If I were to have that energy for my own life, I'd be feeling much better. 

some days are just solely based on survival while other days are completely based in happiness and pure bliss. that is life. but damn. it hurts.

things that have been getting me down:

- fake bitches who act like they like you

- users who act like they aren't using you

- people who cannot communicate

- not enough time for myself 

- mania

Getting enough sleep is rare. Spending a lot of money is common. Running on low but still having a ton of energy is where im at. 

Can someone help me?

No.

No one is coming to save me. 

Please don't leave me, even if you promise you won't. Promise you'll just try to understand. They always promise.